22 2 / 2014
this post is a bit of a departure for petsiknow. because, well, i don’t know any ferrets.
and thank the Lord i don’t believe in that this is the case because i fucking hate ferrets.
ugh, i am getting shivers just thinking about them.
i hate turning the corner at the pet store, excited to see the bunnies and then being surprised to see the ferret cage first.
and have you ever really looked at that cage?
why does it look like a giant fishtank?
and why do ferrets need swings?
so, so stupid.
ferrets are seriously the stoners of the pet world.
they are lazy and gross and worthless and smelly and slinky and trifling.
they probably like shitty video games and wear baggy jeans and have flip-phones.
yesterday, my friend Richard told me that ferrets take forever to wake up. i don’t want to know how he knows this because if there is a ferret somewhere in his apartment i am seriously going to lose it. or just puke everywhere. i hope that every ferret in the world just magically doesn’t ‘wake up’ tomorrow morning.
so, while i am blessed to not know a ferret personally, i do know a really awesome story about a ferret…
please note: the names in the story below have been changed just enough, as to ensure that the people involved will get properly scared and worry that maybe someone will know it was them.
so, my friend Kenley went to college in southern Ohio. one night after an especially amazing night of puking on the street and hiding in the bushes, or whatever you do at college, she went home with a strapping young man who might have lived in a frat house. either way, this is where they went to hook-up. in the morning, long after the party downstairs had ended, Kenley woke up to a weird noise and rolled over to an amazing sight. no, it wasn’t the dude she went home with and never saw again (he took off before the sun rose). what she spied was a ferret! running loose and hanging out in the bedroom. BEST PART? oh, i am so happy you asked…the BEST PART is that this ferret was jumping in and out of and nibbling on Kenley’s knee brace! yes, a freaking KNEE BRACE. why she had one or how she scored a dude wearing one, well those are all things we all have forgotten that mattered. the ferret though, can’t forget a ferret.
i tried to find a picture for this blog post so i googled ‘ugly ferret’. then i realized that was redundant. HOWEVER, not unlike the pic of the chicken from the post last week, i was surprised to find a picture of a ferret that i actually liked. see below…
i hope someone shot him with that gun after they took this photo.
is that a totally awful thing to say? oh, it is? too bad. ferrets suck.
22 2 / 2014
22 2 / 2014
meet Ingmar Birdman. a serious pet i should know.
Ingmar belongs to my pal Maryam. they live together in portland, oregon.
from peeking at their photos, Ingmar and Maryam seem to do little else except look cute and eat snacks - which if i had to imagine my ideal life, it would probably look a lot like that.
as a child, i had a number of birds as pets. they all seriously sucked. like the worst pets i could imagine. they were certainly less smelly than the turtle i weaseled my parents into letting us have but the birds were jerks. squawking and squeaking at all hours and being dumb and only kinda cute. so when i saw that Maryam adopted a bird, i hoped that she wasn’t setting herself up for a life of near torture.
well, it doesn’t seem to be that way. look at this birdy…
eating berries (or murdering people)?
jumping in a mason jar (i LOVE mason jars)…
brushing teeths (or beaks)…
after seeing these pics, i am starting to think that getting a little bird buddy might not be that bad of an idea, especially if he looks that cute. i mean i am not gonna do it, but you certainly can.
i have always heralded Maryam as the best bellwether i know - maybe she is on to something with these birds.
that being said, Maryam - you are still my thrift store/vintage scavenger nemesis. xoxo.
10 6 / 2012
28 5 / 2012
24 5 / 2012
hi lil cutie.
this guy can come hang out with me anytime. we might even go out to a nice dinner since he is all dressed up!
17 5 / 2012
finding this old quote from Britty today cheered me up. sometimes sisters are good for something.
Britty: “i wish dogs got married. those would be the best weddings.”